New Lease of Life
I couldn't think of anything,first I needed a cuppa of tea and a smoke to soothe my nerves. It wasn't still dawn, but the dream was enough to snap me out of sleep. Did I say dream? well it was more of a nightmare.
I put on the light above my basin, it refused to light up. I needed to change the damn thing. I put on the bathroom lights instead and checked my own reflection in the mirror. It wasn't like I was handsome otherwise, but the reflection was way too scary even for my otherwise hollow expressionless face. Black circles, the rough beard growing waywardly and not to mention the long overdue haircut was making me look like a ghost straight out of M. Night Shymalan's movie. Maybe I could audition for his next. I tried hard to remember the last time I could feel things. My lifeless hair were dripping wet from the cold water I splashed on my face.
I took a cold shower and watched myself in the mirror. The body I was proud of once wasn't all that great any more. The hollowness just showed up. I was very much out of shape. I brushed my teeth, the tobacco stains wouldn't go so soon. I tried hard but couldnt get rid of them. I put on a pair of track pants and a old sweatshirts . It was one of those specially made for our gang. Scorpions. Yes scorpions thats what we called ourselves. The tag line was done up creatively on the backside. "One sting is Enough". It felt nice to wear the scorpion again.
It was still early for someone as lazy as me to be up and around. I walked into the kitchen. The arrangements hadn't changed much. Except for the refrigerator which had been backed away, nearer to the storage room. I loved cooking once upon a time. Hell, I still did. But hadn't done much of it recently. I made a mental note to improve my record. Chicken still topped my list of favorite items to cook. Got some milk from the fridge and made myself a cup of tea. As I headed for the porch, buzo came to me. He wanted his breakfast too. I dint know anymore, where the dog cereal was kept. So I grabbed the pack of milk and poured out the remaining in one of the old bowl since I couldnt find his dish either. Put it down next to the picnic chair and settled myself into the chair. Along with the first sip of the tea, lit up my first cigarette of the day. I eased up a bit with the tar filled air in my lungs. I had just got so used to it. The very thing that I hated the most had now become a necessity. Buzo just slurped up the entire milk in one sitting and lazied up. He'd been loyal enough through all my ups and downs and still was.
From where I sat, I looked at the lane which led to my dad's house. It was lined up with the villas on either side. This was a locality of the middle class, where people strived through their life and built their dream houses. No fancy things around, happy to be where they were. No big cars, no swimming pools in the backyards. Just hard working people with self belief and lives based on strong ethics. My father was one amongst them. After serving in a private firm for close to three decades, he was happy to live his retired life in this peaceful area, looking after my pets and his garden. Mother was always happy to have him around after the many tours on business kept him away from home. Her post marital duties had kept mamma happy and busy. I'd come along a couple of years later and despite being the only child, I had been very demanding since early childhood. That had her hands full. She barely had time to think of anything else. But once I started High School she had found herself with much more time then she could spend. She had gradually taken to reading. She joined back university and soon finished her M.A. It had required her to write a lot and she gradually took up writing. There was no stopping from there. This was 10 years back. She had published at least 9 novels since then. Mamma had received much appreciation from family and friends, but the two people most beloved to her had never taken the effort to pick up her books for reading. Papa didnt have the time despite wanting too and me due to lack of interest. Pappa had made amends by starting out on them post retirement. I still had not found the inspiration for it. Or rather my life was such a mess, I still needed to get out and start over.
I had had enough of this, I wanted to change myself and get back to living life. Renee had been right about leaving me. Or at this point of time I so hated myself that, when people hated me and deserted me I felt it was right on their part. The only two people who has not left my side were my parents. They had been there through all my mental disintegration. If not for them, I would have ejected myself from life. Thier love stopped me. And since my return from the detox center had been making efforts to get back to leading a life free of addicitions. But its not like one can be free overnight. Was happy with my efforts though.
Separation from Renee had taken its toll on my life and it showed. I did not want to get into a situation which would make life scary for me anymore.
My cuppa was over and so was my cigaratte. I was done with my morning quota. Ever since detox, I was allowed to smoke not more than a pack of 20 a day. It wasnt easy de-addicting a chain smoker. Of course over the course of time, I had calmed down from more lethal substances. But all that was in the past. From now on it was only the good I was waiting for. Just then, papa peeped from behind the screen door. He was pleasantly surprised to find me up so early and sitting out. I offered him some breakfast and he gladly accepted.
I chopped up the onions and some tomatoes and fried some eggs. Mom joined us for breakfast too. I had a cup of tea with them again. It was just like the old times when we would sit together for all our meals. This was a beginning and I was happy to make it.
Life had surely shown me a lot of turns and from now on I was determined to make only the right ones.
I put on the light above my basin, it refused to light up. I needed to change the damn thing. I put on the bathroom lights instead and checked my own reflection in the mirror. It wasn't like I was handsome otherwise, but the reflection was way too scary even for my otherwise hollow expressionless face. Black circles, the rough beard growing waywardly and not to mention the long overdue haircut was making me look like a ghost straight out of M. Night Shymalan's movie. Maybe I could audition for his next. I tried hard to remember the last time I could feel things. My lifeless hair were dripping wet from the cold water I splashed on my face.
I took a cold shower and watched myself in the mirror. The body I was proud of once wasn't all that great any more. The hollowness just showed up. I was very much out of shape. I brushed my teeth, the tobacco stains wouldn't go so soon. I tried hard but couldnt get rid of them. I put on a pair of track pants and a old sweatshirts . It was one of those specially made for our gang. Scorpions. Yes scorpions thats what we called ourselves. The tag line was done up creatively on the backside. "One sting is Enough". It felt nice to wear the scorpion again.
It was still early for someone as lazy as me to be up and around. I walked into the kitchen. The arrangements hadn't changed much. Except for the refrigerator which had been backed away, nearer to the storage room. I loved cooking once upon a time. Hell, I still did. But hadn't done much of it recently. I made a mental note to improve my record. Chicken still topped my list of favorite items to cook. Got some milk from the fridge and made myself a cup of tea. As I headed for the porch, buzo came to me. He wanted his breakfast too. I dint know anymore, where the dog cereal was kept. So I grabbed the pack of milk and poured out the remaining in one of the old bowl since I couldnt find his dish either. Put it down next to the picnic chair and settled myself into the chair. Along with the first sip of the tea, lit up my first cigarette of the day. I eased up a bit with the tar filled air in my lungs. I had just got so used to it. The very thing that I hated the most had now become a necessity. Buzo just slurped up the entire milk in one sitting and lazied up. He'd been loyal enough through all my ups and downs and still was.
From where I sat, I looked at the lane which led to my dad's house. It was lined up with the villas on either side. This was a locality of the middle class, where people strived through their life and built their dream houses. No fancy things around, happy to be where they were. No big cars, no swimming pools in the backyards. Just hard working people with self belief and lives based on strong ethics. My father was one amongst them. After serving in a private firm for close to three decades, he was happy to live his retired life in this peaceful area, looking after my pets and his garden. Mother was always happy to have him around after the many tours on business kept him away from home. Her post marital duties had kept mamma happy and busy. I'd come along a couple of years later and despite being the only child, I had been very demanding since early childhood. That had her hands full. She barely had time to think of anything else. But once I started High School she had found herself with much more time then she could spend. She had gradually taken to reading. She joined back university and soon finished her M.A. It had required her to write a lot and she gradually took up writing. There was no stopping from there. This was 10 years back. She had published at least 9 novels since then. Mamma had received much appreciation from family and friends, but the two people most beloved to her had never taken the effort to pick up her books for reading. Papa didnt have the time despite wanting too and me due to lack of interest. Pappa had made amends by starting out on them post retirement. I still had not found the inspiration for it. Or rather my life was such a mess, I still needed to get out and start over.
I had had enough of this, I wanted to change myself and get back to living life. Renee had been right about leaving me. Or at this point of time I so hated myself that, when people hated me and deserted me I felt it was right on their part. The only two people who has not left my side were my parents. They had been there through all my mental disintegration. If not for them, I would have ejected myself from life. Thier love stopped me. And since my return from the detox center had been making efforts to get back to leading a life free of addicitions. But its not like one can be free overnight. Was happy with my efforts though.
Separation from Renee had taken its toll on my life and it showed. I did not want to get into a situation which would make life scary for me anymore.
My cuppa was over and so was my cigaratte. I was done with my morning quota. Ever since detox, I was allowed to smoke not more than a pack of 20 a day. It wasnt easy de-addicting a chain smoker. Of course over the course of time, I had calmed down from more lethal substances. But all that was in the past. From now on it was only the good I was waiting for. Just then, papa peeped from behind the screen door. He was pleasantly surprised to find me up so early and sitting out. I offered him some breakfast and he gladly accepted.
I chopped up the onions and some tomatoes and fried some eggs. Mom joined us for breakfast too. I had a cup of tea with them again. It was just like the old times when we would sit together for all our meals. This was a beginning and I was happy to make it.
Life had surely shown me a lot of turns and from now on I was determined to make only the right ones.
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